life gave me lemons

and so much more.

At this point in my life, I feel like I finally have the liberty to choose, to craft out a path for the rest of my life. That phrase sounded odd in my head, because here I am barely 23, and the rest of my life seems like a mirage in a desert.

Yeah we have plans. I had plans. But plans can change. and plans do change.

E.g Plan A : graduate with a math degree, pass professional exams, and become and actuary. (and somehow lead a hectic, yet still meaningful life bla bla blaah)

This was of course my plan as a bright-eyed freshman, who didn't have one clue what that entailed. It is laughable, and yes you may laugh at my naive, naive freshman year dreams.

Over the course of three years into Michigan, the plan is now to just fucking graduate with that fucking math degree, and never so much so look at another actuarial related thing ever again.
Pardon my french, but I don't think any other word can convey my true passion for that fucking subject.

So here's plan B
Graduate. (523 please don't fuck me up, thanks) Finish CompLit thesis. Go to Middlebury and get fluent in French. Go to Algeria/Morocco/Tunisia and hang out there for a year or two. Go to graduate school in either Complit or Public Policy. Have kids and move to Canada. Live happily ever after.

Yeah, Plan B is as laughable as Plan A, but you know, one can dream. and I might change my mind. He might change his mind. We might change our minds.

Yes, I got married at 22, and it is something I never in my life thought I would do(never say never!). But I don't see this as settling down, and having babies and whatnot (One more person asks me if I am pregnant yet, I swear to God, I will shoot somebody) It is a union of two people making a commitment to go through life with each other, through whatever life has to offer. I see it as a new beginning, a lifetime partner to explore this world with.

So, no, we are not having babies until I get a PhD. And no, we are not buying a house and settling down in some quiet suburbs. And no, I am not going to be a housewife.

We want to discover the world, learn new languages and culture. we want to write. we want to read. we want to see. and we want to love.

and really, right now, I can't imagine anyone else being next to me when I wake up in the morning.

I want to do a lot of things, and I know at this point in my life, I feel like I want to do everything. I want to go into academia, I want to go into Public Policy. I want to write. I want to teach kids how to read. I want to continue my work with HIV/AIDS social research. I want to work on sustainability projects. etc etc.

I feel like i haven't lived long enough for my idealism to be scarred by reality. We'll see in a few years, eh?

I am rambling mostly because these thoughts have been at the back of my head for the last few months and especially now that graduation's about two months away.

Hell, i am scared shitless.